Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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