Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
