Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
