i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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