You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
