I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
