i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
