Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
