im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
