I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
