I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
