The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
