apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
