How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
