What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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