So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
