1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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