gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
