Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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