I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
