put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and you said cock pushups were impossible
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
