i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
