i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
