:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
