My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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