apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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