I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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