if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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