omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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