I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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