Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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