"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
