Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
