you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
