i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
