The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
