you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
