I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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