that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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