2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
