I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
