and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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