Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
