Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
