I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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