Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
