I CAN MOONWALK!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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