I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You dont lie about slip and slides
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
