I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
