I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
